How to get kicked out of a bar.

Here is a true story about my own experience of getting kicked out of a bar. This was a lot of fun and I think everybody should experience this at least once in their life!

While I was in the U.S. Army, stationed in Ft. Hood, TX, my friends and I hung out in the bars  a lot on the weekends. So, this started off just like any other Saturday night.

One of my drinking buddies came to my room in the barracks and said, “Hay, lets go get drunk!”

I agreed to go to one of our favorite bars that night and didn’t think we would have any issues.

Well, our problems started on this night just moments after we walked through the door of the bar.

I went to the bar with five other guys. So there were six of us and we tried to find a table big enough for all of us. The bar was packed that night, so we had to look around for a while before we found an empty table. When we finally found a table, there were only five chairs, so we had to find another one.

We found an old man sitting at a table all by himself and he had an extra chair that nobody was using. One of the other guys politely asked the old man if he could take the extra chair.

The old guy got pretty rude and said, “No! Someone’s sitting here!” Then he got an attitude and said some other rude things. (I don’t even remember what he said next, but he wasn’t nice about it.)

Being soldiers in the Army, we had to be respectful of civilians, so, rather than return fire with the rude comments, my friend just walked away.

Someone finally left the bar and we were able to steal that chair from the empty table.

As we were all hanging out and getting drunker and drunker, we watched that old man and noticed that nobody was sitting in that extra chair and the old guy was just sitting in the bar alone being a jackass! On this weekend, we were able to just laugh at him being an idiot. We didn’t really pay a lot of attention to him on this night. We just minded our own business and when the night was over, we just left without incident.

The following weekend was when the real fun began!

The same group of guys wanted to go out to the same bar, again on Saturday night. So I agreed to go and get drunk again.

This night, we got to the bar and it was just a typical Saturday night, nothing was really going on at the bar. We all sat down and started drinking beer after beer after beer.

I’m not even kidding, I must have had 10 beers and 2 or 3 shots of whiskey by now. One of my friends said, “Hay David, lets do a shot of Tequila!”

I said, “No. I can’t stand Tequila! It tastes like shit!”

It only took a few minutes for him to talk me into drinking ONE shot of Tequila.

So I went to the bar and got two shots of Tequila. Then I talked to the bartender and she gave me some advice.

She said, “Since you don’t like Tequila and your friend does, here’s two shots, one with a Lemon and one with a Lime. You drink the one with a Lemon and give your friend the Lime.”

She said, the Lemon would make it easier to drink. So I took her advice and it didn’t help, it still tasted nasty!

When I finished the first shot of Tequila, my friend insisted that we drink another shot. I reluctantly drank another one. That was all I could handle of that shit! I went back to drinking beer.

It was the Tequila that killed me here, because, up till this point I was acting normal, calm and like a sane human being. But, when I mixed in the Tequila, I turned into: David the Psycho Comic. However, most people in the bar didn’t think I was very funny, because most of my jokes were on them!

I started talking shit and making fun of literally everybody in the bar. Including: The bartenders, my friends, the DJ, the bouncer, all the customers, and people that weren’t even there with us. I made jokes about people back home in Michigan, my Drill Sergeants from Basic Training, my Platoon Sergeant and Lieutenant and everyone else I could think of!

I went to the bar and said some stupid things to the bartenders first. I don’t remember any of the specific things I said, but most of the things I said to people that night were ten times worse than anything the old man said on the previous weekend!

As people walked by me, I gave them an evil look and pointed at them as I laughed at them and said things like, “Damn, you’re ugly! Where did you get that stupid looking hat ass hole? Yo mama bitch! Etc.

Earlier that night, they were selling raffle tickets at the bar. The grand prize was a $100 bar tab. They were only about .50 cents a piece. So between my friends and me, we probably had about 50 of them. You had to be present to win. I will come back to this later. Just keep it in mind, because it has a lot to do with “How to get kicked out of a bar”!

When I got tired of insulting everybody in the bar, I sat down and drank a few more beers. My friends tried to keep me calm. They were only successful for a short period of time. Pretty soon I got bored again and started looking around  the bar, I was looking for any way I could torment people and have some more fun at someone else’s expense.

I looked all around the bar and finally, guess who I saw sitting all alone in the far back corner of the bar, with an extra chair that no one was sitting in? You guessed it, that same little piece of shit, old man that pissed us off a week ago!

I said, “Hay, you guys see that stupid, old man sitting in the corner all by himself?”

They said, “Yeah. What about him?”

“Remember how he pissed us off last weekend?”

They said, “So, just leave him alone.”

I replied, “No! We’re going to drag him out into the parking lot, beat him up and take all his money!”

They went on saying, “No, just forget about him.”

I said, “Oh, come on! He’s 85 years old! There’s six of us, one of him, he’s old, we’re young! We can take him! We can knock his ass out in less than two minutes!”

“I could beat him up myself if I wanted, but then all five of you would be witnesses and I don’t need you guys ratting me out! So you all have to come out with me and you all just have to hit him just one time each! That way, you will have blood on your hands to and you can’t tell on me, because you will be just as guilty as I am and you will be in the same amount of trouble! You guys just hit him once each and step back, then I will take over and start body slamming him and practicing some of my US Army, Hand to Hand Combat training on him! Then I’ll have one of you go get me a bucket of water, so I can pick him up by his feet, dip his head in the bucket and I am going to “Mop the floor” with his bloody head—Literally!”

“When we get done beating him up, we can just leave and go to another bar. When he regains consciousness, we will already be 50 miles down the road, hanging out at another bar in a different city! He ain’t going to remember what we look like! He’s probably got Alzheimer’s by now anyway! We can call an ambulance before we leave if it makes you feel any better about it! By the way, since you guys are so reluctant to do this, I get to keep all his money! He obviously has a ton of money, because he is drinking more than all of us are!”

My friends finally calmed me down—again, for the second time that night! So now I forgot about the old man, because they wouldn’t let me go play Baseball with his head. L

It was around 12:30 when my friends decided they wanted to leave. Remember those raffle tickets I mentioned earlier? This is where they come in.

My friends said, “Hay David, we want to leave now.”

I said, “We can’t leave yet. They are having the drawing in about 45 minutes. We all have a bunch of tickets; you know there’s a good chance that one of us is going to win the $100 bar tab!”

They insisted on leaving early.

So I grabbed all the raffle tickets that we had and I went walking around the bar and approaching almost every single person in the bar, except that ugly, old man. I started doing some fast talking, trying to sell those raffle tickets.

I said to one guy, “I have about 50 raffle tickets here. There’s a really good chance you are going to win with all of these! Come on man, don’t you want to win? It’s a $100 bar tab! I only want $30 for them all! You know you are going to win with all these!”

This guy said, “No, I’m not interested in buying the tickets. But, you have a very good sales pitch. I should hire you to work for me selling used cars!”

I quickly moved on to everybody in the bar asking them to buy these tickets for just a little more money than what we had all paid for them. Remember, a few hours ago, I was just insulting everybody in the bar and talking shit about them! Now I want them to buy something from me. Not going to happen!

The last guy I approached trying to sell the tickets was a really big guy standing by the door. He was just watching everybody in the bar and not hanging out with anybody. I was too inebriated to realize who it was that I was talking to or to think that it may not be a good idea to talk to him right now. At this point, I really didn’t care either!

I gave him the same sales pitch I gave everybody else.

I said, “Dude, do you want to buy these……….”

He said, “No! I can’t buy those from you! I work here! We sold them to you! You can’t sell them back to us! I could have you arrested for this!”

I said, “Oh shit!” and I quickly walked away. I went back to hang out with my friends!

The last guy I tried to sell them to was the bouncer!

He came over to my friends and said in a very mean, aggressive voice, “Get him out of here right now before I throw him out!”

Just before we left the bar, one of my buddies that I was hanging out with that night told me that I can’t go back to that bar for 6 months. They took a picture of me and gave a copy to everyone who works there and If I did go back, I’d be arrested!

The following weekend, the same group of guys wanted to go back to that same bar. They came and asked me If I wanted to go with them.

I said, “I can’t! remember, they took my picture and gave it to everyone that works there! I can’t go back for 6 months!”

One of them spoke up and said, “Dude, we made that up, just to get you to leave! Do you know how many times I’ve been kicked out of there? About five! But I still go back there all the time and they never say anything about it!”

I laughed and said, “You’re a dumb ass! Now, lets go get drunk!”

As soon as we got there, We saw that same ugly old man all by himself with an extra chair………………..!

(Keep in mind: I am not normally like this when I’m drinking, Only when I drink Tequila.

I don’t know why, but, I love telling this story. I enjoy telling people about this experience more than any other story of my entire life!)                                                                                                            

New to Blogging.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

New to blogging. Hello everyone.
My name is David. I am originally from Michigan. I got tired of the cold weather so I moved to Florida. I now live in Cocoa, FL.I was in the US Army for Seven years. I was stationed in Ft. Hood, TX and Mannheim, Germany. I also served one year in Iraq. I was a Truck Driver in the Army. Some of my biggest interests include: Cats, telling jokes, writing and Astronomy.

Proof that UFOs DO EXIST!!

UFOs DO EXIST!!!

There are a lot of people in the world who don't believe that life exists anywhere else in the Universe.

Some of them say it is just physically impossible.

I disagree. I truly believe there is life on other planets all around our Universe.

Let me explain why:

People often say, "Scientists have found Billions of stars all around the Milky Way and all over the Universe that have planets orbiting around them. However, most of these planets are either too close to or too far away from the star to sustain life. Or the star is too big and hot. The planet appears to be too young or old or Scientists have not detected any water or Oxygen on that planet."

I have heard all the big excuses as to why people just don't want to believe in extra terrestrials. None of those arguments make any sense at all to me!

When people tell me it is physically impossible for life to exist on any of those other planets because....... Then they give me any of those explanations above or any others, this is how I explain my reasons for believing in UFO's and aliens.

To the people who think that it is impossible for life to exist on any other planet because Scientists have not detected any Oxygen or Water on those planets, here's my argument against that theory:

These people are only going by the Biology, Chemistry, Physics and other things that most people believe to be true on our tiny planet we call Earth in our small Milky Way Galaxy. Scientists discover new things here all the time. They've also proven a lot of Scientific "Facts" and theories to be wrong. For example: They've discovered some types of bacteria, viruses and other microscopic forms of life that can survive in boiling water, freezing temps and with or without water and oxygen. They've also found some that can adapt to and survive in artificial atmospheres of things like: Ammonia, Co2 and other gasses that would be deadly to humans. We don't know and can't prove how much Oxygen was in our atmosphere 65 Million years ago, when the Dinosaurs were here, but, Scientists do know for sure that there was a lot more O2 and less CO2, Carbon monoxide and other toxic gasses, because humans weren't around creating all those harmful gasses with cars, industrial emissions and other things. Also Dinosaurs were so big, they needed more Oxygen than we do to survive. If we humans were to live in an environment with 10 times more Oxygen than we have today, we'd have to be much bigger than we are, or we would die. If we had less, we would be smaller. Since there are a few organisms here on Earth that can live without water and oxygen and in extreme temperatures, it makes sense to say that there could be some life forms on other planets and other galaxies that could do the same.

 Galaxies only contain about 1% of everything in this huge Universe. The rest is out in open space. We don't have a clue about what another, alien life form would require to survive in their world. Just because almost everything here on Earth requires Oxygen and Water to survive, doesn't mean that every alien species in the entire Cosmos would be required to have those things to live. My guess is they might require some different things to live. Maybe they would die if they were exposed to Oxygen and Water. Take, for example, the AIDS Virus, it can survive inside the Human body, but, what happens when it gets out of the body and it's exposed to air? It will only survive for a very short period of time, then within only a few minutes or less, it dies!

The Universe is so big that even with the Hubble Telescope, we can only see a small percentage of it. We don't know what things are like out there far away from us. Even if another intelligent life form is out there and has built up some large cities on another planet 1,000 Light years away, we will never be able to see them and their cities through a telescope from Earth. They will probably never be able to see us from their world either. We are just too small to be seen through a telescope from a long ways away. If there is life out there somewhere else in the Universe, and I'm sure there is, it doesn't mean it has to be an intelligent life form living on the land; it might be a simple, single celled form of bacteria living in the water or some other form of liquid on another planet. That would still be considered a form of “Alien Life”.

 Also, consider this: Our world is so small, that our Solar System is just a tiny, insignificant, microscopic dot on the cosmic map. We are sitting in the Orion Arm near the outside of the Milky Way Galaxy. The entire diameter of our Solar System, from the Sun to Pluto and even beyond that all the way to the end of the Heliosphere is less than one light year. The Milky Way Galaxy is approximately 100,000 light years across. There are Millions or probably Billions of other galaxies that are much larger than ours. To make things sound even smaller, Scientists say that you could fit all the other planets, including Pluto inside the space between the Earth and our Moon. Jupiter is so big that more than two and a half Earths would fit inside its Great Red Spot. 1,324 Earths would fit inside Jupiter. About 980 Jupiters would fit inside the Sun and Thousands of Suns would fit inside of the star VY Canis Major. In fact, if that star were placed in the center of our Solar System, it would extend almost all the way out to Jupiter.

Our Universe is somewhere between 13-15 Billion years old. So far,this is the best estimate Scientists have for the age of our Universe. It might be much older! When the James Web Telescope gets up into space, it will see much further than the Hubble. That might make Scientists rethink the Universe's age. They will probably say it is older and larger than they thought.
Scientists believe the Universe is expanding at the speed of light or faster! If this is true and the Universe is expanding at the speed of light (186,282 Miles/299,792,458 M per second), the Universe is expanding one light year (5.878 Trillion Miles/9.4607E+12 KM) every year. That would put the far end of the Universe somewhere around 14 Billion light years (4.29241 Gigaparsecs) away from us.

Since there's not a single telescope in the world that can see much of anything at a distance of 14 Billion light years, we will probably never know who or what is out there that far away. I asked an Astronomer how big of a telescope would I need to see aliens on a planet: Four light years away, 100 light years away and 15 Billion light years away. His answer was shocking. To actually see aliens on a planet Four light years away, you'd need a telescope with an apreture, the opening at the end of the telescope that let's in light, that was over 100 miles in diameter and Just a few miles long. 100 light years away, your telescope would have to be a little bigger around than the Sun and a few miles longer. 15 Billion light years away, you'd need a scope about the diameter of the Milky Way Galaxy (100,00 light years from one end to the other) and probably 3 or 4 light years long! That is the minimum size scope you'd need. Even then, if you saw aliens at those distances, with the sizes of telescopes he recommended, the aliens would only appear as the size of small dots in the scope. Also, if you saw aliens from a distance of 65 Million light years away, the image you see would be what it looked like on that planet 65 Million years ago, NOT what it looks like there today! So, if aliens 65 Million light years away from us looked down at Earth with a really powerful telescope, they would actually see Dinosaurs- not Humans! In other words, give it up, you will never be able to make a telescope powerful enough to see aliens on another planet!

When you look up at the night sky, you can only see a very short distance. Almost everything you see is inside the Milky Way Galaxy. Except for the Andromeda Galaxy. That is 2.5 Million light years away. It is between 1.5 & 2 times the size of the Milky Way, so it can be seen with the naked eye. There's probably a few other things you can see outside of the Milky Way without a telescope, but, not much. With a good telescope, you can see way beyond our Galaxy, but, you cannot prove or disprove the existence of life.

SETI (the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), NASA and a bunch of other places have been sending out radio signals to specific areas in space where they think life may be. But, radiowaves travel the speed of light. So, they will take 2 and a half Million years to get from Earth to the Andromeda Galaxy. To get to a star 5 Billion light years away, that's how long it will take to get there. Humans will probably be extinct by that time! They will only be able to receive the messages if they have a radio telescope that can pick up our Earthly signals. Then, their message they send us in response will take the same amount of time to get back to us.
NASA has, however, received just a few mysterious signals from space that they suspect, might of come from intelligent life forms in space. (For the best example, Google the "WOW SIGNAL".)
Humans have only been sending radio signals for about 50 years or less. It will take a long time for them to get to their destination.

Throughout history there have been thousands of people who have claimed to have seen UFO’s. There are even hieroglyphic drawings on the walls of the ancient pyramids of UFOs. That was long before humans ever learned how to fly. Of course, half of those sightings were probably just Meteors, Comets and similar things, but, those objects can only travel in one direction, they don’t have several different colored lights all over them, they don’t shoot laser beams and transport rays, they are not perfectly round and shaped like you would expect a UFO to be shaped and they don’t have little green aliens climbing in and out of them.

Thousands of people around the world who have never met each other have claimed to seen UFOs and had alien encounters. Some of these people even claim to have been abducted. A lot of their descriptions of the UFOs and aliens have matched almost exactly!

Astronomers have discovered Thousands of what they call: “EARTHLIKE”  planets in the Milky Way and all over the observable Universe. These planets are close to the size of Earth, close enough to a star that is not too big or too hot to sustain life. 

Years ago, there was something mysterious that crashed out of the sky and landed in Roswell, NM. Nobody knows for sure what it really was, because, right after it crashed, the US Military was right there cleaning it up! They loaded it all up and took it away to a top secret location. Most people think they took it to Area 51. Then they found the only guy that saw it and forced him to get on TV and say it was a weather balloon. More than likely, they probably, threatened to break his legs and kill his whole family if he ever told anyone what he really saw! It would be like the Government to do that stuff, think about it, how often has the government ever been 100% or even 1% totally honest about anything? The answer to that question is somewhere between 0% and never!

For a long time, there have been strange things popping up around the world called “Crop Circles”. Several people have tried to take the credit for them, just so they can become famous idiots! But there is so much evidence to prove that humans did not make them. For instance, there are no human footprints or tire tracks around them. Nobody ever sees or hears them being made. They show up in several different countries in the same night. People can’t travel across the ocean fast enough to do this in more than one country in the same night. Every time people go somewhere, they leave something behind, it might be trash, cigarette butts, lint from clothes, finger prints, footprints or something else, but, there is usually no evidence left behind to show that humans were ever at the scene where the crop circles are appearing. The circles are almost geometrically perfect. Humans would have a very hard time making a huge circle that perfectly round. There is a strange type of radiation that has been detected inside these circles. Sometimes the crops that have been made into a circle are magnetic.

The pyramids were built between 5,000 and 10,000 years ago. Nobody knows exactly how or why they were built. Nobody has been able to duplicate them now, not even with modern technology, physics and Engineering. Who taught people how to make them that long ago? Also, who helped them carry the huge rocks, some of them weighing over Ten tons, from the mines to the building sites? It was probably aliens from outer space.

These are the main reasons why I believe in UFOs. I know some people will still disagree with me. I challenge you to do your own blog about why you disagree with me. But, Just be ready to explain your reasons as to why you don’t believe in UFOs and give any Scientific evidence you have to support your belief.