My experience with Medical Marijuana.

I use Indica and hybrid. The Doctor told me to avoid Sativa, because I have anxiety.

Marijuana is not approved for Asperger's and Autism. However, it is approved for some symptoms of Autism.

I have Asperger's, PTSD, ADHD and back pain. Marijuana works for almost all of that.

Weed is approved to treat ADHD, I don't know why, because, it doesn't help me pay attention, I loose my short term memory, I can't concentrate on reading or writing and as soon as I read something, I forget what I read within a few minutes and it just doesn't help me with ADHD, but, it is approved for it.

Weed does ease my back pain, helps me calm down after a meltdown, helps with PTSD and other things.

Marijuana often gives me the urge to laugh.

It helps some people sleep. It is approved for Insomnia. I can't use it for sleep. Because, every time I fall asleep after using Marijuana, it has caused me really horrible nightmares and I woke up screaming!

Someone in a dispensary told me I should try a different strand of Marijuana, because, different strands have different affects on different people. Maybe the strands I've tried cause nightmares for me. For other people, the same strands might not give them any problems sleeping.

When I use weed, it gives me the munchies. I crave Chocolate (I'm allergic to Milk and Lactose). I can have a little bit of lactose and not get sick or get dairy free Chocolate.

It makes me a little more social when other people are around. Because of my Asperger's, I am usually quite shy and have trouble communicating with people. It does help a little with that, but, not as much as alcohol helps.

One time I was using Marijuana and drinking a lot of beer and Mike's Hard Lemonade. I got extremely drunk and high as a kite at the same time. That was not fun for me. However, some other people enjoy the feeling of being high and drunk at the same time. It was actually the second time in my life that I had used weed and got high. I live in an apt and one of my neighbors who used to be into illegal drugs, saw me outside all messed up on weed and beer. He brought me inside, gave me some food and had me wait a few hours until the weed started to wear off. (Fortunately, my neighbor doesn't use illegal drugs anymore.)

Some strands of Marijuana are more expensive than others. You can get some for 

$8/gram and another type will cost $20/gram. One Gram equals One regular size joint.

I usually take 6 good size hits of a joint each time I use it and a few small hits which I don't hold in my lungs as long as the others. One joint usually lasts me about 3 days. Sometimes it will last Two and a half days. By that, I mean: Two nights I get 6 good hits and the Third night, I only get 3 good hits and the joint is gone. I just have to light up another one.

I have infused Butter and cooking oil with Cannabis distillate. I made cookies with the butter and Brownies with the oil. The Brownies turned out really good, but, the Cookies didn't turn out so well.

I also cooked: Eggs, Sausage and fried Potatoes with Cannabis infused cooking oil. That turned out good to. With edibles, such as Brownies and Eggs and Potatoes, it will take between One to Two hrs to fully take affect. Usually, it hits me hard after an HR and a half.

You will start to feel the affects of edibles in about 45 minutes, then, it will slowly get stronger and it will hit you hard in an HR and a half to Two hrs. However, it will be different for each person, depending on: Their experience with weed, how many times have they used it, what strand they use, if they are drinking alcohol or caffeine with it, if they are taking any other medications or illegal drugs with it, etc.

There are a lot of YouTube videos on how to infuse butter and cooking oil with Cannabis. I use distillate, it comes in a small syringe.

Get a double boiler or use a strong, glass measuring cup and a metal pot, put the measuring cup in the pot. Put about 3 inches of water in the pot, around the measuring cup. Put butter or oil in the cup. Put whatever amount of distillate you want in the cup with the butter or oil. Boiler it for an hour. You may have to add more water, because most of it will boil off.

Stir the butter or oil every 10 minutes for an hour. Now it's ready to use.

If you use butter, you can use it right away or, put it in a dish and freeze it until it hardens up to solid butter.

With oil, pour it back into the bottle it came out of. Don't mix it with non-infused oil or butter.

When you are boiling and infusing oil or butter, measure it out to the exact amount you need, for example, a Cup, then add just a little bit more, not much. But, that will ensure that you have the amount you need, since some will evaporate while cooking.

Take the amount of Brownies, Cookies or whatever you are making and divide the amount of THC you used. That will equal the amount of THC in each one. For instance, if you used 100 Mg of THC and made 10 Brownies, that means each brownie will contain 10 Mg of Marijuana. That's not a lot of THC. It wouldn't help me very much. I like to have at least 20 Mg brownies.

Edibles usually last longer than smoking it.

According to Doctors and other experts, Marijuana itself won't kill you. But, you can still get Lung cancer from smoking it. Weed may also interact with other medications you may be taking. Talk to your Doctor first. 

I was taking medication (Amphetamines) for ADHD. But, I told my Psychiatrist that I use Medical Marijuana and she took me off the Amphetamines.

Sorry about the mile long post, but, that's my experience with Medical Marijuana.

Idioms that Autistic people may not understand:

IDIOMS THAT PEOPLE WITH AUTISM AND ASPERGER'S MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND:

Children and even some adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders might not understand some of the expressions people use everyday.
One common characteristic of Autism Spectrum Disorders is a tendency to take things literally.
Interpreting things literally has actually helped me understand jokes and even write a few of my own original jokes.
Most people with Asperger's don't understand jokes very well. However, I am an exception. I have always been good at telling and understanding jokes.
If you have an Aspie (Someone with Asperger's) kid, you should avoid using these expressions, because they might not understand them or, worse yet, they could take them literally:
1. Raining cats and dogs.
Pouring rain.
The kid might get confused when they look out the window and they don't see any animals falling out of the sky.
2. This is a "Drill". Or, I am going to "drill" you on Math.
To give someone or a group of people a test.
The kid might think you're going to go to the garage, grab the drill and drill a hole in their head!
3. You hit the nail on the head.
To answer a question perfectly, exactly right.
They may get confused, because they are not using a hammer and pounding a metal nail into wood.
4. You bit off more than you can chew.
Trying to take on too many responsibilities at once.
5. You just opened a big can of worms.
Cause a serious problem.
6. I see the light.
To suddenly understand something you had trouble understanding before.
7. What's up?
It even took me a long time to figure this one out! I now realize it's just some people's way of saying: "Hello, how are you doing?"
That one confused me for a long time! I never knew how to answer that. Then, I listened to how other people responded to it. I learned that, it's not meant to be a question and people don't expect you to answer it. It's just another way to say hello. The only response people expect to that "question" is: Hi, how ya' doin'". They don't expect you to stop and talk most of the time. But, it took me a long time to figure that one out!
8. Stoned.
Meaning: High from drugs.
It took me a while to figure this one out to. I always thought it meant: To throw rocks at someone. Although, I was correct, that is only One definition of the word. The other definition, High, is also correct.
9. I have a "Lead Foot".
To drive a car really fast.
10. "Keep an eye on this".
To watch over and protect something from theft or damage.
An Autistic kid might literally, take the item you want them to guard, pick it up, put it up to their face and hold it against their eyes.
11. Arrest.
To stop something from moving.
If you use this word around an Autistic kid, they might run and hide, because they might think the police are coming to take them to jail!

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. (REVENGE ON SCHOOL.)

I hated school worse than anything and I didn't even care about it!
There were a lot of Teachers and students I couldn't stand! I also hated homework and schoolwork and almost everything else about school!
The best and most exciting day of my life was the last day of school, my Sr year, because I knew I'd never have to go back to school ever again for the rest of my life!
No matter what happened that day, nothing could have ruined the day for me. Someone could have pointed a gun at me and took all my money and I wouldn't of even cared! I never carried much money with me to school anyway, I usually brought $5.00 or less to school. I had no reason to bring any more than that. Then I didn't have to worry about getting it lost or stolen. The only thing in school we needed money for was a Pepsi machine.
When the last bell rang and I was leaving, I did something very immature, but, it was fun! I dumped a trashcan on the floor in the hallway and drew a long line on a row of lockers with a permanent marker as I walked down the hall towards the door! I know it was childish revenge, but, for that one day, I didn't care! That was my way of celebrating the best day of my life! Since I wasn't old enough to LEGALLY drink beer and Moonshine, I had to do something fun and destructive. That was also a way for me to release some of my frustration on a place that I hated!
Then I flipped everyone the middle finger, screamed, "F*** you everybody! I hate you and I hate this ****** place! I'll never come back here again!"
Then I walked out the door smiling! I think that was the only day in my entire that I actually smiled at school!
I HATED school with a passion! I'll never go back there again!

The next day, I got up in the morning, just to laugh at my brother, because he had to get ready to go to school and I didn't!

Can Marijuana kill you? Can anyone Scientifically PROVE their answer?

First of all let me say: I have a Marijuana Card. I do use Medical Marijuana. I 100% support federal legalization of Marijuana.
With that said, this is from my experience:

Literally every person I've ever heard say Marijuana is perfectly safe, it is impossible to die from it has been just a regular person or a stoner! I've never heard a Doctor, Nurse, Pharmacist, or Scientist say this! In other words, 100% of the people I've heard this from don't truly know what they are talking about!
I have a Medical Marijuana Card in FL. When I went to the Dr to get my card, she said, "She doesn't know of any 'DOCUMENTED CASES' of people dying from Marijuana itself. But, people can and do die from smoke inhalation, auto accidents, because they drove after smoking weed, falling down and hitting their head on the ground, picking fights with people in a bar and other things.
The Marijuana plant itself didn't kill them, but, the other affects that the weed caused did kill them.
Also, I've never heard an Historian say that nobody ever in human history has ever died from weed. Humans have been around for over 7 Million years! The oldest human remains ever found were over 7 Million years old. The English language was invented about 1,000 years ago. People didn't always keep accurate historic records, especially not about Marijuana. If someone does find historical documents about someone dying from Marijuana
1 Million years ago, it will not be written in English. It might not be written in any language that exists today at all!
We will never know if someone died from weed 1 Million years ago.
Before humans came Dinosaurs and Thousands of other extinct animals. Did any Dinosaurs ever die from eating Marijuana? We will never know!
Weed has been legal in Amsterdam and several other countries for a long time. Until the 1930s, it was also legal in the US.
We will also never know if at least ONE person died back in the 1800s or before that.
I asked the Doctor how much weed someone would have to use, before it would be fatal. She said, it'd be a lot! Like, smoking over 100 joints, one right after the other! Or eat tons of Marijuana cookies.
But, if you smoked 100 joints in a row, that's stupid! You'd die of Lung cancer before the weed itself killed you.
I say again: I got my information from a Doctor! I also have a FL, Medical Marijuana Card. I do use Marijuana occasionally, for medical reasons. I also know about weed from personal experience.
99% of the people whom I've talked to about weed are NOT experts! They are know it all's, stoners, people who have friends who smoke weed and people like that, who really have no clue what they're talking about! I've only talked to ONE (1) expert on the subject. She was a Marijuana Doctor. I've also read a lot of medical information about weed and I use Medical Weed.

(My experience: I have used Marijuana over 100 times. I always get light headed, every time I use it. When I smoke it, it makes me cough, sometimes a very bad, loud cough.
It has made me vomit two different times.
I can't concentrate for more than about Two minutes.
I have no short term memory at all. I tried to read, it took me about 10 minutes to read Two paragraphs and I didn't even remember what I read after I read it!
I can't stand on one foot or walk a straight line.
However, when a friend of mine used THC drops, it didn't have any of those affects on him. In fact, as a Scientific experiment, he drove a car down some back roads, where police don't usually hang out. He did fine. He didn't drive like he was drunk. He stayed between the lines on the road.
Just don't believe everything these  "Experts" tell you! If they are not a Doctor, Nurse, Scientist, Pharmacist or something similar, they are not experts on weed or anything else! Most of them are stupid! Just like a "Barracks Attorney" (Someone in the Army who trays to give you legal advice, but, they are not an Attorney. They never went to law school. But, they only think they know everything.)
Just because you read something on Facebook, doesn't mean it's true! If you do believe everything your friends say or everything you see on the Internet, it could get you killed!!!
Just because everyone you know says something is 100% safe, doesn't make it safe! Nothing is perfectly safe! Not even breathing the air or drinking water is totally safe.

Similarities between Asperger's and other disorders.

What does Asperger's have in common with other disorders?
Asperger's and Autism are frequently misdiagnosed and confused with other disorders, including:
ADHD
OCD
Schizophrenia
Just to name a few.
A few things these disorders have in common with Asperger's include:
ADHD:
Fidgeting.
Having trouble sitting quietly or sitting still.
Having trouble taking turns or waiting for their turn.
Frequently interrupting others.
Act or speak without thinking.
Struggle with following instructions.
Problems with being forgetful.
Ability to hyperfocus (often getting distracted and hyperfocusing on the wrong thing).
People with ADHD are more than 2x more likely to attempt suicide. People with Asperger's are more than 20 times more likely to attempt suicide than people without the disorder!
People often don't trust people with ADHD or Asperger's and people with these disorders have a hard time trusting other people.
Poor organization skills. Frequently losing things.
Not good at time management.
Anger outbursts.
A lot of people with either one of the disorders really love cats.

OCD:
Unwanted, intrusive thoughts.
Following a routine.
Obsessive hand washing.
Checking doors repeatedly to make sure they are locked.
Checking the stove to make sure it's off.

Schizophrenia:
Delusional thinking.
Easily agitated.
Lack of emotional expressions.
Phobias.
Acting inappropriately for the current situation. (Ex: Feeling sad, but smiling. Laughing at a funeral or showing no emotion or facial expression.)
Lack of pleasure or interest in things.
Little desire for social interactions.
Much higher risk of attempting suicide (About 10% of Schizophrenics attempt suicide).
People with Paranoid Schizophrenia often act aggressive and impulsive (Those traits are not as common in other types of Schizophrenia).
Stimming (Ex. Hand flapping, rocking back and forth, etc).

Asperger's:
Lack of social awareness (Not picking up on nonverbal cues. Not showing normal body language, facial expressions or tone of voice.
Also, not being able to pick up on other people's nonverbal body language, facial expressions, etc).
Unusual speech patterns.
(Monotone voice, speaking too loudly, more advanced vocabulary than most people their age,trouble comprehending figurative language, literal interpretation of things. "For example: Raining cats and dogs." They might think there is literally animals falling out of the sky.)
One sided conversations. (They don't let the other person talk as much as they do. Only want to talk about things they like.)
Resistance to change.
They appear to lack empathy. Sometimes they are truly not very empathetic. But, usually they are very empathetic, they just don't show it very well, because, they don't show facial expressions and body language very well. They also don't show the normal tone of voice for the situation. They often have monotone voices.
Easily overstimulated by noise, light, heat and cold).
Limited, intense interests on only a few subjects. Like, Outer Space, Dinosaurs, Math or cars.
Lack of eye contact. They have a very hard time looking people in the eyes. It is a phobia for them.
Sometimes staring at people or objects.
Difficulty making friends and keeping them.
A lot of kids have delayed motor skill development.
Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations.
Inability to understand and recognize: Humor, jokes, irony and sarcasm.
Problems expressing empathy, controlling emotions and communicating feelings.
Meltdowns.
Sometimes hyperactive.
Overstimulated senses.
A lot of people on the Autism spectrum love cats and dogs.
Have problems multitasking.
Often very smart with high IQ scores.
(Einstein and Bill Gates are suspected of having Asperger's. Bill Gates went to Harvard. Both of them had IQ scores of: 160, geniuses.)
Detail oriented. They notice fine details and not the big picture.
Can recognize patterns in things.
More than 20 times more likely to attempt suicide.
Clumsiness.
Stimming.
Able to hyperfocus on things.
Not big on team sports. Really not big fans of any sports at all. However, they'd rather play individual sports, that don't involve a team, like Golf.
Suffer from Depression and Anxiety.
Less trusting of people.
Have serious problems driving a manual transmission vehicle. They need to get an automatic transmission.
They often have problems finding and keeping a job.

More boys are diagnosed with Asperger's and Autism than girls.
It is difficult for Psychologists to test for Autism.
Most people are diagnosed when they are much older. (I was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 40.)
Someone who has Asperger's is often called an "Aspie".
Fidget Spinners are good for people with Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Asperger's is now referred to as an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Asperger's is no longer listed in the DSM manual.
People often have Two or more psychological disorders, such as: Asperger's and ADHD. This is known as: "Comorbid disorders".
Autism is represented by a puzzle. Because, it is a "puzzling disorder". There are so many symptoms. Nobody has literally all the symptoms. No Two people with the disorder are exactly alike. It is very puzzling and confusing to both people who have it and people that don't. It's usually a Blue puzzle. Blue is the color chosen to represent Autism.

Fidget Spinners.

Fidget spinners were invented as both a fun toy for children and adults and for people with Autism, ADHD and similar disorders. If people with ADHD or Autism get annoyed, frustrated or distracted or have a meltdown, they can use a Fidget Spinner to help themself calm down.

However, I have both: ADHD and Asperger's (A form of high functioning Autism). Fidget Spinners don't really help calm me down. It doesn't help me pay attention either. If anything, it can be more distracting for me if I already am distracted.

The lady who invented the Fidget Spinner, Catherine Hettinger, was broke one day and she couldn't afford the $400 renewal fee on her Patent. So she sold the patent for a very low price. It was only about $300 or less! That was a big mistake! As popular as they are now, people all over the world are buying Millions of them! The person who bought the patent is a Millionaire. Imagine if you owned the Patent and you made $1 off each one that was sold. If you sold 10,000,000 of them, that's a lot of money! 

Catherine Hettinger actually invented the Fidget Spinner in the 1980s as a toy for children. Then, she noticed it has the ability to calm people down. After she sold the Patent and noticed how successful it became, she was not disappointed, but really excited to see her invention doing so well.

Some schools in the US and Europe have banned them in school. However some children get a note from either a Doctor or Psychologist, saying they have a disorder such like Autism or ADHD and Teachers need to allow them to use a Fidget Spinner in class. 

For some people, they can be very helpful if they are Autistic and they have a meltdown. But, not only do people with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders use them, but, these days, almost everybody has a Fidget Spinner, just for fun. You could probably also use them for a Physics experiment to see how fast it can spin.

MY INVENTION:

One day, I had my cellphone setting on a table and a Fidget Spinner setting right next to it. I thought, "OMG!" That gives me an idea! I am going to be a Millionaire in less than a week!"

I was really excited. Because, I had just invented the: "FIDGETPHONE"! 

I was going to combine the cellphone and Fidget Spinner together!

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way! Because, I was all ready to draw my plans out on paper, then buy a cellphone, drill a hole in it and put a spinner in the hole, just for the concept. Then, I'd have to make a cellphone the same size as a Fidget Spinner.

Then I was going to take it into the nearest Patent office and file a Patent under my name for the Fidgetphone.

(Actually to file a Patent on something, you don't have to make the item that you want to patent. All you have to do is draw your plans for your invention on paper and take it to the Patent office. You can probably even file a Patent online.)

But, just before I drew it out on paper, I Googled "Fidgetphone" to see if someone else had already invented it. Then, I wouldn't even waste my time and money filing the Patent.

You can imagine how disappointed I was to find out that some jackass over in China had already invented what he calls the:

"Fidget spinners/cellphone"! I was so p***** off, I almost had to use my Fidget Spinner to calm down! LOL. That ruined another idea I had for an invention!

Another idea I had for an invention was a "Cellphone/stun gun". But, that had already been invented as well.

Anyway, I figured, "I might as well buy one, just because of the fact that I did invent it."

So I got a Fidget Spinner/Cellphone and a cellphone stun gun on EBay. The phone actually works on the Fidget Spinner phone, but not on the stun gun. 

The origin of the expression: "Get your goat".

Don't let them get your goat!

Goats do keep horses calm.
The expression: Get your goat comes from Horse racing.
Years ago, people kept their horse in a stable before a race. To keep the horse calm, they put a goat in the stable with the horse. Now the horse could calm down and get some rest. Then the horse would be able to concentrate and have enough energy to run the race.
Sometimes, one of the competitors would not like one of the other people that was in the race or, maybe he thought one of the other horses was too fast and he didn't have a chance of winning against that horse.
So, the rider would try to give himself an unfair advantage. He waited till the day before the race, when nobody was looking, he'd go to that horses stable and steal that horses goat.
The next day, they got ready for the race and the owner of that horse noticed that his goat was missing.
Now the riders all brought their horses out to the track.
The one horse that was left to spend the whole day and night without a goat just wasn't ready for the race.
All the other horses were calm and well rested. Those horses were prepared to run really fast and concentrate on winning the race. However, the other horse acted like it had a severe case of ADHD.
The horse was too tired to run as fast as it possibly could, it may of been hyperactive and it couldn't concentrate very well on the race. That horse and rider were unable to win the race.
That left us with a very famous expression: "Don't let that other person 'GET YOUR GOAT'"!

Asperger's: Avoiding eye contact.

One of the most common traits of a person who has Asperger's is having a fear of giving people eye contact. It is very hard for us to do this. This scares some aspies half to death to look into people's eyes.
If you're talking to somebody and they seem to be uncomfortable giving you direct eye contact, they might appear to be rude. But, trust me, they have no intention of being rude or disrespectful in any way at all. They are just not good at looking people in the eyes, they are very uncomfortable with it or even scared. They might experience anxiety from it. They might get so scared that they feel like running away when they look you in the eye! Sometimes young children will literally try to run away and hide or even have a meltdown or panic attack if they try looking into someone's eyes for too long or if you try to force them to look into yours or someone else's eyes! Just keep one thing in mind: This is absolutely 100% normal behavior for people with Asperger's or most other Autism Spectrum Disorders  (ASD). Not all aspies have this symptom, but most of them do. Just remember, DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS!!! Because most people with Asperger's can't help it and it is a very serious phobia that aspies have!
Here is my story of how I learned to get over my fear of looking people in the eyes. It took a very long time and it was not easy! But, now I am able to do it. It is still hard to do and sometimes a little scaredy for me to do and I'll probably never be perfect at it.
I have trouble with making eye contact, but, I can do it now. It took me years to learn how to look people in the eyes. When I first started to learn how to give eye contact, for the first few months, it was so awkward for me to do it, I was very uncomfortable, scared, I felt like I was doing something wrong, or even breaking the law! I sometimes started to panic and hyperventilate a little bit! I had a hard time speaking. I could only stand to look into people's eyes for maybe 10 seconds at a time, then I had to look away for a few seconds, then return to their eyes. Sometimes I had to look at their forehead, eyebrows or nose.
If I was talking to a Teacher, Bar Tender or someone else who probably wouldn't be talking to me if their job didn't require it, it was easier, but still not EASY, just a little easier and still awkward and uncomfortable to give them eye contact.
Cashiers in a grocery store, I was forced to be really close to that person, close enough to hand them money. It was uncomfortable, but the two things that made it easier were the fact that, I didn't know that person most of the time and I only had to deal with them for a few short minutes and I left and got to return to the safety of being alone for a while. Another thing that helped me to deal with cashiers, is the fact that there was some sort of a barrier between me and them. Usually the conveyer belt where you put your groceries.
What was much worse was when I was talking to an attractive female. The more attractive I thought she was, the harder it was for me to look her in the eyes or talk to her.
When I first started to learn how to look people in the eyes, it was one of the hardest and most uncomfortable things I've ever had to learn to do. I felt like I was doing something wrong. It even made me feel sick. But, after a few months of working on it, those feelings went away. I was able to do it more easily.
I've been working on my ability to give people eye contact for probably 20 years now! It's still not easy and, I can't give anybody full, constant eye contact and I still have to look away from people after looking at their eyes for too long, but, it is much easier to do now, especially with people I know.
I went to a Psychiatrist and told her I think I have Asperger's and want to be tested for it.
She said, "I knew you had Asperger's with in the first 5 minutes of taking to you."
I managed to give the Psychiatrist eye contact. She, "said, "You probably had yo learn how to give people eye contact."
I explained to her how hard it was for me to learn how to look people in the eyes, how long it took to get used to it and that it is still hard for me to do and often uncomfortable to give eye contact,  but, I am now at least able to do it.

Asperger's part 1

Asperger's is a Psychological disorder that can cause a lot of serious problems in a person's life. It is an "Autism Spectrum Disorder" (ASD). It is not the same thing as Autism, but similar in some ways. Psychologists usually refer to Asperger's as just an Autism Spectrum Disorder now. For some reason, Scientists want to get rid of the word: Asperger's.

People with Asperger's are often refered to as: "ASPIES". Most people with Asperger's don't take offense to the term: Aspie.

Asperger's was first recognized by a Psychologist named Hans Asperger in 1944. He did extensive research on the disorder and it was named after him.

For now, Scientists and Doctors don't know the exact cause of Asperger's. However, they are doing a lot of research on it now. They do know that one thing that can make people more likely to get it is genetics.

Although there is no known cure for Asperger's and no medication to treat it, Psychologists can some times give patients other types of medication to treat some of the symptoms and other issues caused by the condition. For example, they can prescribe drugs to treat: Anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD or other symptoms and problems that aspies have.

A lot of people with Asperger's have other conditions along with Asperger's. I myself have also been diagnosed with ADHD.

Quite often the symptoms of Asperger's can be seen as early as age 3. Albert Einstein couldn't walk until he was 5 and he couldn't speak full sentences until he was almost 7! But, most Doctors are reluctant to test and diagnose children with Asperger's when they are really young. Most people get diagnosed with it when they are much older (I was diagnosed at the age of 40). Doctors often mistake the condition for ADHD and just give kids Ritalin. Asperger's is also harder and takes longer to test than ADHD.

Asperger's causes problems with the EXECUTIVE FUNCTION of the brain. This is controlled by the Prefrontal Cortex, which is the region of the brain right behind the forehead. Executive Function includes a person's ability to: Plan, organize and remember a task. It also includes time management and flexible thinking. Persons with Asperger's and other Psychological disorders often have problems with Executive Function.

(www.understood.org. Amanda Morin.)

More boys have been diagnosed with the condition than girls.

The main issue people with Asperger's have is with COMMUNICATION. People like myself who have Asperger's find it hard to talk to people. We are very shy, find it difficult to find things to talk about, are uncomfortable talking to people we don't know very well and have a hard time meeting new people.
We are not good at reading NON-VERBAL CUES OF COMMUNICATION. Some things that come natural to other people, like reading and understanding other people's body language and facial expressions, we have a hard time with that. Also, other people often find it hard to understand us, because, we are not good at using non-verbal cues. We may be excited or upset, but our facial expression, tone of voice and other forms of body language often don't reflect our true emotions. This often causes serious problems for people with Asperger's, because, the experts say that about 93% of communication is non-verbal.
(Some of my own experiences with this: People have accused me of being "Rude". Half of those were people whom I didn't even know. I didn't even do or say anything to most of these people, but they just said I was rude to them or someone else!
In the Army, I was stationed in Mannheim, Germany. I was at the bar on base, sitting at one end of the bar and there was a German girl sitting at the other end of the bar. She was interested in meeting me and showing me signs that she was interested. I didn't realize she was interested in meeting me. So she sent her friend over to tell me that she wanted to meet me. So I went over and talked to her and I did get a date with her.
In the same bar, on a different night, there was a guy in there that I talked to all the time. We were friends up until this night. I tried talking to him like I always did, but, he was not acting normal. He was acting weird, not very talkative, and giving me a strange look. Again, I didn't catch on to what he was non-verbally trying to tell me. A different girl, a complete stranger, came over, grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from him and said, "He's trying to start a fight!"
The last one may have had something to do with Asperger's, but, probably had more to do with the fact that I was already pretty drunk!)
Aspies often have a MONOTONE VOICE. Meaning, they don't show their true emotions with their voice. Little or no inflection in their tone of voice. The pitch, volume, rhythm, tempo, etc don't change much as they are talking.
Having a monotone voice leads to other problems, such as APPEARING TO LACK EMPATHY. People with Asperger's do feel sympathy and empathy for other people, however, they just don't always show it. Again, this is mainly because they don't always express their emotions as well as other "Neuro typical" (NT) (A normal person who does not have Asperger's) people  do with non-verbal language.
Sometimes their UNUSUAL WAY OF COMMUNICATING with people can lead to other problems. It is harder for them to make friends and communicate with Teachers, employers, relatives or anyone else. Since aspies are uncomfortable communicating in most social situations, they may be too shy to ask questions in class, introduce themselves to people they meet or join in a conversation.
When people don't use as much body language and other non-verbal communication, people sometimes have trouble understanding them. They might say something as a joke, but, the other person will not see them doing anything to indicate that what they said was not to be taken seriously, nor will they hear it in their monotone voice. Sometimes just the opposite happens. I have had this problem several times. I said something to somebody, which was totally serious and they either told me that they thought I was kidding or they just walked away from me and didn't take the advice I'd just given them. They either got themselves in trouble, got injured or had some other bad experience because they didn't take my advice seriously.
They are SOMETIMES VERY SHY and have a hard time approaching people they don't know and trying to think of things to talk about. From their past experiences, they already know that they will have a hard time communicating with new people and they are scared to even try, Quite often, peoplr who don't know them feel uncomfortable around them, because of their unusual way of communicating. Some people will automatically think this person is weird, rude or strange in other ways. This all makes things harder for the aspie. So making and keeping friends is not easy for people with Asperger's.
Aspies often HAVE VERY FEW, BUT VERY INTENSE INTERESTS. They are often so intensly interested in one or a few subject, which they will study up on those few things all the time. For example, I happen to be very interested in Astronomy, outer space, UFOs, NASA and anything related to space. I am fascinated with it and I would really like to know what and who is out there in other parts of the universe. I wish I could get in a rocket and travel Billions of light years away, just to see what is out there and meet any other aliens around the cosmos. I love learning about how the stars work, how are Black Holes created and the Hubble's latest discoveries.
(That is another thing about aspies: We often do feel like we are on the "Wrong Planet", because we just don't fit in with everybody else on Earth! For this reason, Asperger's is sometimes called: "Wrong Planet Syndrome".)
I used to be obsessed with cats.
Years later, I my obsession was telling jokes.
While I was writing this article, I became obsessed with researching and writing about Asperger's.  

Some other aspies I know love sports and that is all they ever talk about. I hate sports, so they sometimes bore me to death. However, some of them don't like outer space or telling jokes.
Another problem with communication is that people with Asperger's are often very intelligent. Most, but not all aspies have AVERAGE TO HIGH IQ SCORES. a lot of them have advanced degrees in college. So, they will often know a lot of technical terms, which most people will not understand. Sometimes, when they are trying to describe something to a layman's audience, they might not know how to describe what they are talking about in simple terms, so they might use technical terms which the other person will not understand.
You can see this on the TV show: Big Bang Theory. The main character, Sheldon, has several degrees in Science and is extremely smart. He has trouble communicating with people and often uses large, technical terms to explain Scientific things to other people and they don't understand him. Sheldon is a perfect example of someone with Asperger's. However, a lot of aspies have taken offense to the show, they think the show is making fun of Asperger's. But, the creator of the show has said he had no intentions of creating a character who has Asperger's.
Bill Gates and Albert Einstein both had the same IQ scores. They both scored 160 on their IQ tests! The average IQ score in the US is around 100. Both Einstein and Gates are thought to have Asperger's. Einstein was a Physicist who won the Nobel Prize twice! He also invented the math formula: E=MC2. Without this, they would have never been able to make the Atomic or Nuclear bombs.
Bill Gates went to Harvard. But he never graduated. Instead, he dropped out of college, moved back home to Washington State and started a small company with a friend named: Paul Allan. They started their business in Paul's garage and it grew into one of the biggest computer companies in the world, which is now called: Microsoft.
A lot of people with Asperger's have TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING JOKES. You might say something to a group of people and everyone in the group will automatically realize you were just kidding and they will all laugh. But, if there is an aspie in the group, they might think you were serious or they will have to think about it for a minute before they understand the joke. (I have been lucky, because, this has never given me much of a problem. All my life, I have been pretty good at understanding jokes and I even love telling jokes.)

Some aspies have problems with LITERAL INTERPRETATIONS of things. If you use a common figure of speech, such as: "It's raining cats and dogs", they might go look out the window and see that it's raining, but there are no cats and dogs falling down from the sky. They may not understand what you said and may be extremely confused.
Due to social problems and other issues caused by Asperger's, , aspies often PREFER TO BE ALONE. It is often easier for aspies to just run away and hide. Not literally, but when they are at a party where they don't know a lot of people, they will either stick with a few people they already know really well or find a place where they can just be alone.
Aspies are usually uncomfortable communicating with people in large groups. They usually do better either one on one or in a smaller group of people or at least with a large group of people that they know and are comfortable with.
Another thing which some aspies do is called STIMMING. Repetitive movements or sounds made by the person. They are not always aware that they are doing it. For example, bill Gates often rocks back and forth or side to side. Some other people flap their hands. It is really nothing to worry about.
Aspies often have PROBLEMS CONCENTRATING. They are often very forgetful to. Einstein himself was forgetful. This causes problems with things like time management and taking tests. Aspies quite often wait till the last minute to do things. This causes them to get to work or school at the last minute. (I have always had problems remembering my keys. I used to have a sign on my door that said, in really big letters: "get your keys!" I locked them in my car so often that I had to call my insurance company a few times and have them send a lock smith to unlock my car door. My insurance paid for the lock smith.)
The AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT (ADA) does consider Asperger's a disability and has laws protecting people with the condition. For example: Schools and employers are required to make "Reasonable Accommodations" for people with the condition. (Accommodations may include: Giving a student extra time to take tests and letting them take tests in a separate room, away from the other students and other distractions.) They also can't fire or kick someone out of school because they have Asperger's or any other Psychological or physical condition. If they person is able to do the job and the employer is aware of the condition, they cannot fire them nor discriminate against them because of it. The only exception to this rule is if the employee is physically or psychologically unable to do the work. If an employer or school violates this law, the student or employee can sue the company and either fight to get the job back or get a lot of money!
The ADA also protects students and employees from BULLYING AND HARASSMENT from students, teachers and other school employees. If a student is being harassed badly enough to the point where it is interfering with their ability to learn or participate in a class, this should be taken seriously and reported to the school. The Principal should investigate the incident.
(The Asperger's Answer Book. Susan Ashley PH.D)
BAD TEACHERS frequently cause problems for Asperger's students. I myself have had a few bad teachers. All they did was cause me problems! I have never hated anyone in my entire life as much as I hated some of these Teachers! It was hard for me to talk to these teachers, I felt uncomfortable even going to school, it was hard to concentrate, I was always angry and scared just being around the teacher. I was afraid that the teacher wanted to harm me and I really wanted to hurt the teacher as well!
I can't say it any more clearly than this: If your kid tells you that they have a problem with a Teacher, get them out of that class immediately! If you like the Teacher, but your kid doesn't , your opinion is irrelevant! You don't know all the problems the Teacher may be causing. If you don't get your kid out of that class, it will cause problems between you and your kid.
You should first call the principal and request that your kid get transferred to another class. If the Principal says they can't do it, go to the Superintendent. If they won't do it, go to the school board. Don't accept any excuses that they may give you as to why they cannot or will not remove your kid from that class. I f nobody at the school will get your kid out of that Teacher's class, start by filing a police report about the Teacher, then report the incident to Child Protection. Then go to the courthouse and get a court order saying that Teacher cannot come within 20 feet of your kid, except in passing (such as walking down the hall) or in an emergency. If the Teacher or the school violates the court order they are breaking the law. Then the school will have no choice but to transfer your kid to another class.
Adam Lanza had an Autism Spectrum Disorder and a lot of problems with people and life in general. He went into Sandy Hook Elementary School and shot a bunch of people. Autism is not a legitimate excuse for what he did, however, he was a psychopath with a lot of problems in school and that's what he decided to do.
Most people with Asperger's or Autism don't get commit a lot of serious crimes and are not as likely to get into serious trouble with the law as NTs (Neuro Typical people) are. However, there are a lot of exceptions, such as: Adam Lanza and Ted Kaczynski (Unabomber).
There are some JOBS THAT ARE NOT GOOD FOR AN ASPIE to get. I learned this the hard way on a few jobs. First of all, customer service jobs are usually not good for aspies. They are usually not a very good at dealing with people. I was accused of being "rude" to several customers when I worked in a store. I never did anything to anybody that was rude. However, maybe they didn't like the fact that I didn't talk very much to them or I didn't give tem enough eye contact. Both of those are hard for aspies to do!
Jobs like fast food, which are very high paced and require a lot of MULTITASKING and concentration are not good either. I learned this by working at McDonald's. That was the worst job I've ever had!
If the job requires a lot of very detailed instructions, you should avoid that to! People with Asperger's don't do well with long, detailed instructions. So, they should have instructions broken down into smaller, more manageable steps. They should also have the instructions written down.
Aspies are usually very VISUAL LEARNERS. So, if they have to do something really complicated with a long set of instructions, if they have instructions with pictures, it will be much easier for them to understand and learn how to do things. They will also learn things better in school if they can see pictures or an actual demonstration of what it is they have to do.
Truck Driving can be a good job in some ways, but it can also be a bad choice for an aspie. People with Asperger's often like to be alone. You will spend a lot of time by yourself as a Trucker. By law, you can drive up to 11 hours a day, then you must be off duty for at least 10 hrs. You park at a truck stop and sleep in your truck. That is the good part, if you like to be alone. One major problem is that most trucking companies will supply you with a truck, but it will be a stick shift! Driving a stick shift requires a lot of concentration and multitasking. Aspies often have problems with those two things. I cannot and will not drive a stick! I hate those things and think they should stop making them! They are hard to drive and always cause me problems. Just give me something in which I can just hit the gas pedal and go.
You can buy your own truck to, if you want, for around $100,000 or more! They cost as much as a house!  but a few companies do have automatic transmissions. Fortunately for me, the US Army doesn't have very many manual transmission vehicles at all these days. I was a Truck Driver in the Army and all I ever had to drive was automatics.
Car manufacturers are slowly phasing stick shifts out now anyway. Ford and GM don't even make very many of them anymore.
Aspies often CONCENTRATE ON THE SMALL DETAILS of things rather than the big picture. (Most people see a fancy car, but aspies are more likely to notice the hubcaps, chipped paint on the hood or the dent in the front bumper.
Aspies prefer to STICK TO A ROUTINE and any interruption in the normal routine will be extremely frustrating to them. A regular routine makes things easier for us. This way, things are less confusing and frustrating. When there's a change in the normal routine, it can cause the aspie to become very annoyed and angry.
MELTDOWNS are very common with aspies. When they have problems with people, places or things. This happens a lot in school, with Teachers, other students, school work, etc. Also if they have a problem and don't know exactly how to deal with the situation or if they can't figure out how to tell somebody what the problem is.
A meltdown often looks like the aspie is having a TEMPER TANTRUM. This is where the aspie loses control temporarily as a result of an emotional response to environmental factors. It might look like the person is losing control because of a single, specific issue, however, the problem is usually a result of several problems that have added up over a long time.
When someone is having a meltdown, they often feel powerless. They feel like they have little or no control over what they are doing or saying as if a demon has taken over their body! In some cases, it is so bad, they would be able to plead insanity for their actions in a court of law for their actions.
Sometimes the warning signs of a possible meltdown in are hard to spot in children, because people with Asperger's because, people with Asperger's will not show many signs with their facial expressions and tone of voice.
When children have a meltdown, they often fall onto the ground and scream or cry. They might also get violent and begin kicking and screaming.
Adults usually react differently, they will usually start shouting or showing other emotions. Quite often it leads to depression and the aspie will simply keep to themselves and stop talking.
(www.myaspergerschild.com.Autism Meltdown-Management 101)
Aspies often have certain TRIGGERS which can cause anger outbursts. For example: Confusion, boredom, annoying questions they hear over and over, people or situations they are uncomfortable with, school subjects that give them a lot of problems and  a lot of other things. It will help if they learn their own triggers and other people in their life should be familiar with them to.
People often falsely accuse aspies of BEING EXTREMELY RUDE. This is partially because they don't realize the person has Asperger's, they don't understand the disorder or they them self are rude and just don't care.
Aspies will frequently EXPRESS THINGS VERY BLUNTLY, with no filter. Since their brain works differently than most other peoples, that might be the only way they can think of to explain certain things. Since they are not very good at socializing with people or reading non-verbal language, they may not understand that what they are saying is inappropriate or that the other person is uncomfortable with what they are saying. The problem might also be the way they said something. Their tone of voice or body language might not match up with what they said, making the other person confused or even offended. Lack of eye contact could also be to blame for this to.
It is very hard for aspies to make DIRECT EYE CONTACT with people. When people talk to someone, they subconsciously expect the other person to give them eye contact If they don't, they feel uncomfortable with the other person. They may think the other person is rude or hiding something. They may even feel threatened by the other person. However, the aspie usually has no intention of offending anybody by avoiding eye contact with people, because it is very uncomfortable for them to look you in the eye! All their life, they have been doing this and it has became a habit and kind of a defense mechanism. If someone looks them in the eye, they just naturally look away. They are not trying to be rude by doing this!
It took me a long time to learn how to give people eye contact. I am able to do it now, but at first, it was very hard for me to do. I went to a Psychiatrist and I told her I was their to get tested for Asperger's. She said,  "I could tell you had that within the first few minutes of talking to you." One thing she noticed that gave it away to her so quickly was that I did give her eye contact, but, it wasn't as natural as most other people. I also appeared as I still had to force myself to maintain eye contact.
Aspies often PREFER TO BE ALONE. Sometimes they just get stressed out by being around a lot of other people. They just don't understand other people very well, so they can have fun by themselves. This often leads to problems with roommates, coworkers, friends, relatives, etc.
Some aspies have serious problems with SENSORY PRECEPTION. Certain things can really cause serious problems for people with Asperger's or any other Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These include tings like: Certain sights, sounds, textures, tastes and smells. Some people (especially children) with Asperger's often overreact to certain things they don't like. Their senses are more sensitive to the things that bother them. For example, a kid might hear a loud noise and they might have a meltdown. They might just cover their ears and scream as a reaction to the noise. The noise could be anything that bothers them, such as a vehicle with a loud engine, dog barking, fireworks or the vacuum cleaner. In some other cases, they might have an anger outburst or shut down emotionally and refuse to talk or move.
(The Asperger's Answer Book)
(One of my biggest sensory perception issues has always been the smell and taste of Vinegar. To this day, I can't stand it! Just the smell of it makes me feel sick!)
They usually prefer individual sports, where they don't have to deal with a team and they get to be in total control and don't have to deal with other people getting in their way. (This might have something to do with the fact that I have never been a fan of any sports at all.)
When people with Asperger's do play sports, they usually prefer individual sports, where they can be alone and be in total control of the game. They would probably be better at Golf or Fishing than they would be at Baseball.
Although they can do well in JOBS where they work with other people, aspies often prefer jobs where they can work alone.
A lot of aspies are VERY CREATIVE. They think outside the box. The ideas they come up with are sometimes so different than what other people come up with that the other people are surprised and say, "Now why didn't I think of that!" or they laugh and say, "That's a dumb idea, it will never work!" Then they are really surprised when the idea actually works.
A lot of people with Asperger's are not very creative at all, however, most of them are very creative.
Having Asperger's causes a lot of PROBLEMS WITH WRITING. Not only do aspies often have SLOPPY HANDWRITING, sometimes worse than a Doctor's writing. But they often have trouble writing research papers and fiction/nonfiction stories. Most aspies think more logically and they are better at things like Math and Science. Yes, They can be pretty creative, but, for some reason, writing is not usually one of their strong points (This is not true for me, however, because, I am just the opposite. I've always loved writing and been reasonably good at it. But, I am terrible at Math and I hate it. Although I love Science and I am extremely interested in it and I'm fascinated with Astronomy and Chemistry, I've never been good in Science classes.)
One of the things that Asperger's is most famous for is: A person's strong ability to RECOGNIZE PATTERNS in things. They frequently notice two or more things that fit together like a puzzle. Or if there is a group of things that logically go together, but there's one small thing in the group that is a little different, they are usually able to spot it before most Neurotypical  (NT) people. This is one reason why so many aspies are so good at things like: Science, Math, Computers, art and music.
Asperger's causes a lot of UNUSUAL PHOBIAS for people. Some of them include: Bad weather, heights, death, shadows, electrical outlets, and the Moon. NT children are not really bothered by most of these things, but they could really irritate or scare a kid with an ASD.  (http://bestpracticeautism.blogspot.com/2013/04/anxiety-fears-and-phobias-in-autism.html)
PHONE PHOBIA: Aspies are not very good at socializing with people anyway, which is why they are often reluctant to answer the phone. They are sometimes afraid they won't be able to think of very much to say or they may think the person they are talking to will think they are weird or something.
Another unusual phobia they sometimes have is: ASTROPHOBIA. The fear of outer space and celestial objects. Also the fear of floating out into space.
All the problems aspies face often add up to cause extreme frustrations with life in general. They often have problems with LOW SELF ESTEEM, DEPRESSION and find it hard to trust other people, The list goes on. As a result, people with Asperger's have a much higher rate of suicide attempts than most other people. They also have a significantly higher rate of divorce than NT people.
Because of problems with non-verbal communication skills and the fear of meeting new people, aspies often have problems FINDING SOMEONE TO DATE.  It is not easy to walk up to a stranger in a bar or anywhere else and trying to get a know them. My advice here is: Try Internet dating sites. Dating sites are a much easier way of meeting new people than approaching a stranger in a bar. One site specifically for people with Asperger's is: www. aspergersdatingsite.com.

Keep in mind that not everyone who has Asperger's has all the same symptoms. Also this is not a complete list of symptoms of Asperger's. If you think you show signs of Asperger's, talk to a Psychologist to get tested.
I will be writing more on the condition of Asperger's in future blogs.

How to get kicked out of a bar.

Here is a true story about my own experience of getting kicked out of a bar. This was a lot of fun and I think everybody should experience this at least once in their life!

While I was in the U.S. Army, stationed in Ft. Hood, TX, my friends and I hung out in the bars  a lot on the weekends. So, this started off just like any other Saturday night.

One of my drinking buddies came to my room in the barracks and said, “Hay, lets go get drunk!”

I agreed to go to one of our favorite bars that night and didn’t think we would have any issues.

Well, our problems started on this night just moments after we walked through the door of the bar.

I went to the bar with five other guys. So there were six of us and we tried to find a table big enough for all of us. The bar was packed that night, so we had to look around for a while before we found an empty table. When we finally found a table, there were only five chairs, so we had to find another one.

We found an old man sitting at a table all by himself and he had an extra chair that nobody was using. One of the other guys politely asked the old man if he could take the extra chair.

The old guy got pretty rude and said, “No! Someone’s sitting here!” Then he got an attitude and said some other rude things. (I don’t even remember what he said next, but he wasn’t nice about it.)

Being soldiers in the Army, we had to be respectful of civilians, so, rather than return fire with the rude comments, my friend just walked away.

Someone finally left the bar and we were able to steal that chair from the empty table.

As we were all hanging out and getting drunker and drunker, we watched that old man and noticed that nobody was sitting in that extra chair and the old guy was just sitting in the bar alone being a jackass! On this weekend, we were able to just laugh at him being an idiot. We didn’t really pay a lot of attention to him on this night. We just minded our own business and when the night was over, we just left without incident.

The following weekend was when the real fun began!

The same group of guys wanted to go out to the same bar, again on Saturday night. So I agreed to go and get drunk again.

This night, we got to the bar and it was just a typical Saturday night, nothing was really going on at the bar. We all sat down and started drinking beer after beer after beer.

I’m not even kidding, I must have had 10 beers and 2 or 3 shots of whiskey by now. One of my friends said, “Hay David, lets do a shot of Tequila!”

I said, “No. I can’t stand Tequila! It tastes like shit!”

It only took a few minutes for him to talk me into drinking ONE shot of Tequila.

So I went to the bar and got two shots of Tequila. Then I talked to the bartender and she gave me some advice.

She said, “Since you don’t like Tequila and your friend does, here’s two shots, one with a Lemon and one with a Lime. You drink the one with a Lemon and give your friend the Lime.”

She said, the Lemon would make it easier to drink. So I took her advice and it didn’t help, it still tasted nasty!

When I finished the first shot of Tequila, my friend insisted that we drink another shot. I reluctantly drank another one. That was all I could handle of that shit! I went back to drinking beer.

It was the Tequila that killed me here, because, up till this point I was acting normal, calm and like a sane human being. But, when I mixed in the Tequila, I turned into: David the Psycho Comic. However, most people in the bar didn’t think I was very funny, because most of my jokes were on them!

I started talking shit and making fun of literally everybody in the bar. Including: The bartenders, my friends, the DJ, the bouncer, all the customers, and people that weren’t even there with us. I made jokes about people back home in Michigan, my Drill Sergeants from Basic Training, my Platoon Sergeant and Lieutenant and everyone else I could think of!

I went to the bar and said some stupid things to the bartenders first. I don’t remember any of the specific things I said, but most of the things I said to people that night were ten times worse than anything the old man said on the previous weekend!

As people walked by me, I gave them an evil look and pointed at them as I laughed at them and said things like, “Damn, you’re ugly! Where did you get that stupid looking hat ass hole? Yo mama bitch! Etc.

Earlier that night, they were selling raffle tickets at the bar. The grand prize was a $100 bar tab. They were only about .50 cents a piece. So between my friends and me, we probably had about 50 of them. You had to be present to win. I will come back to this later. Just keep it in mind, because it has a lot to do with “How to get kicked out of a bar”!

When I got tired of insulting everybody in the bar, I sat down and drank a few more beers. My friends tried to keep me calm. They were only successful for a short period of time. Pretty soon I got bored again and started looking around  the bar, I was looking for any way I could torment people and have some more fun at someone else’s expense.

I looked all around the bar and finally, guess who I saw sitting all alone in the far back corner of the bar, with an extra chair that no one was sitting in? You guessed it, that same little piece of shit, old man that pissed us off a week ago!

I said, “Hay, you guys see that stupid, old man sitting in the corner all by himself?”

They said, “Yeah. What about him?”

“Remember how he pissed us off last weekend?”

They said, “So, just leave him alone.”

I replied, “No! We’re going to drag him out into the parking lot, beat him up and take all his money!”

They went on saying, “No, just forget about him.”

I said, “Oh, come on! He’s 85 years old! There’s six of us, one of him, he’s old, we’re young! We can take him! We can knock his ass out in less than two minutes!”

“I could beat him up myself if I wanted, but then all five of you would be witnesses and I don’t need you guys ratting me out! So you all have to come out with me and you all just have to hit him just one time each! That way, you will have blood on your hands to and you can’t tell on me, because you will be just as guilty as I am and you will be in the same amount of trouble! You guys just hit him once each and step back, then I will take over and start body slamming him and practicing some of my US Army, Hand to Hand Combat training on him! Then I’ll have one of you go get me a bucket of water, so I can pick him up by his feet, dip his head in the bucket and I am going to “Mop the floor” with his bloody head—Literally!”

“When we get done beating him up, we can just leave and go to another bar. When he regains consciousness, we will already be 50 miles down the road, hanging out at another bar in a different city! He ain’t going to remember what we look like! He’s probably got Alzheimer’s by now anyway! We can call an ambulance before we leave if it makes you feel any better about it! By the way, since you guys are so reluctant to do this, I get to keep all his money! He obviously has a ton of money, because he is drinking more than all of us are!”

My friends finally calmed me down—again, for the second time that night! So now I forgot about the old man, because they wouldn’t let me go play Baseball with his head. L

It was around 12:30 when my friends decided they wanted to leave. Remember those raffle tickets I mentioned earlier? This is where they come in.

My friends said, “Hay David, we want to leave now.”

I said, “We can’t leave yet. They are having the drawing in about 45 minutes. We all have a bunch of tickets; you know there’s a good chance that one of us is going to win the $100 bar tab!”

They insisted on leaving early.

So I grabbed all the raffle tickets that we had and I went walking around the bar and approaching almost every single person in the bar, except that ugly, old man. I started doing some fast talking, trying to sell those raffle tickets.

I said to one guy, “I have about 50 raffle tickets here. There’s a really good chance you are going to win with all of these! Come on man, don’t you want to win? It’s a $100 bar tab! I only want $30 for them all! You know you are going to win with all these!”

This guy said, “No, I’m not interested in buying the tickets. But, you have a very good sales pitch. I should hire you to work for me selling used cars!”

I quickly moved on to everybody in the bar asking them to buy these tickets for just a little more money than what we had all paid for them. Remember, a few hours ago, I was just insulting everybody in the bar and talking shit about them! Now I want them to buy something from me. Not going to happen!

The last guy I approached trying to sell the tickets was a really big guy standing by the door. He was just watching everybody in the bar and not hanging out with anybody. I was too inebriated to realize who it was that I was talking to or to think that it may not be a good idea to talk to him right now. At this point, I really didn’t care either!

I gave him the same sales pitch I gave everybody else.

I said, “Dude, do you want to buy these……….”

He said, “No! I can’t buy those from you! I work here! We sold them to you! You can’t sell them back to us! I could have you arrested for this!”

I said, “Oh shit!” and I quickly walked away. I went back to hang out with my friends!

The last guy I tried to sell them to was the bouncer!

He came over to my friends and said in a very mean, aggressive voice, “Get him out of here right now before I throw him out!”

Just before we left the bar, one of my buddies that I was hanging out with that night told me that I can’t go back to that bar for 6 months. They took a picture of me and gave a copy to everyone who works there and If I did go back, I’d be arrested!

The following weekend, the same group of guys wanted to go back to that same bar. They came and asked me If I wanted to go with them.

I said, “I can’t! remember, they took my picture and gave it to everyone that works there! I can’t go back for 6 months!”

One of them spoke up and said, “Dude, we made that up, just to get you to leave! Do you know how many times I’ve been kicked out of there? About five! But I still go back there all the time and they never say anything about it!”

I laughed and said, “You’re a dumb ass! Now, lets go get drunk!”

As soon as we got there, We saw that same ugly old man all by himself with an extra chair………………..!

(Keep in mind: I am not normally like this when I’m drinking, Only when I drink Tequila.

I don’t know why, but, I love telling this story. I enjoy telling people about this experience more than any other story of my entire life!)