Things to do when you get high.

WHAT TO DO WHILE YOU'RE HIGH:
(Only do this stuff where Marijuana is legal!)

Watch YouTube videos that say: "Watch while high".
Drink beer. (Don't drink so much that you get drunk! I know from other people's experiences that being drunk and high at the same time is not very fun!)
Go to public places, like the mall, school or Time Square in in NYC.
Go to the bar and hang out with your friends.
Meet women (or men). Marijuana makes you more relaxed, better and much quicker than alcohol. It also makes some people more talkative.
Pet a cat or dog.
Talk to people, but, pretend you are not high.
Try doing a "Field Sobriety Test". The tests the police give you when they suspect you're driving drunk. Walk a straight line. Stand on one foot. Say the alphabet. Touch your nose. Etc.
Tell jokes.
Pull pranks on people.
Apply for a job online. Or go to a job interview. JUST KIDDING! DON'T DO THIS!!!
Smoke more weed (or Crack).
Video tape yourself while high. Watch the tape the next day. Laugh at yourself and then, DESTROY THE TAPE AND THROW IT AWAY!!! Because, if you don't, someone might find the tape and use it against you in some way! They could blackmail you or just put it on YouTube, use it as evidence against you in court, etc.
Karaoke.
Listen to your favorite music (It sounds a little different when your high).
Watch: Live PD and Cops. (Both of those TV shows will probably scare the hell out of you if you watch them high. Just because they show police).
Watch "To Catch a Predator" (Watching that show is funnier and more entertaining when  you are high. It is also scary, because it shows police arresting people and weird child molesters walking into a strange house and meeting Chris Hansen. You can watch old episodes of the show on YouTube.).
Give prank calls (I certainly don't seriously recommend giving prank calls, because it's illegal. But, if you choose to do it, don't blame me! Because, I said, don't do it)!
Play Bloody Mary (Go in a dark room with a mirror. Shut the lights off. Stand in front of the mirror. Close your eyes. Spin around Three (3) times and say, "Bloody Mary" each time you spin around. Face the mirror and open your eyes. If you see Bloody Mary in the mirror, freeze, DON'T MOVE! You have to wait until she disappears. If you move while you see her in the mirror, she will slash your throat and kill you!!!! She is very mean! It might take a few seconds before she disappears or it could take all night!
(Playing Bloody Mary would probably be even scarier than watching Live PD or Cops.)
Drink lots of water, eat chocolate and munch on non-fattening foods (You will get the munchies and you will get cotton mouth, you'll be extremely thirsty. Marijuana  makes some people crave Chocolate).
Look at the stars in the sky (Don't use a Telescope! Because, you may be really clumsy and knock the Telescope over and break it! If you have an expensive Telescope, you don't want to take that risk!).
Sleep (Marijuana helps some people sleep. It causes other people problems sleeping. I know somebody who said they woke up screaming and terrified, because they had horrible nightmares after smoking weed!)
Watch a movie. (There are some specific, crazy movies that are good to watch while high, including: The Matrix, Wizard of OZ, Friday the 13th 3-D, Alice in Wonderland and Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood are just a few examples).
Write anything you can think of. Just random thoughts (Write One full page. Then, check out what you wrote the next day, when you're sober. Some people have fun reading all the crazy, weird Things they wrote and seeing how sloppy their writing was the next day).
Read a book (It will probably take you about Ten minutes to read Two paragraphs! Then, you won't remember anything you read Two minutes later! You don't have a good short term memory when you're high. You also won't be able to concentrate on reading for very long. I don't know why weed is approved to treat ADHD.)
Go for a walk (Be careful if you walk down the road or sidewalk. Because, the police might see you or you might walk out into traffic. It might be safer to walk through parking lots or through the woods and staying away from the road.)
Do Pushups, sit ups or other basic, simple exercises (Nothing to strenuous, like lifting weights or running).
Put on camouflage, go out to the woods and play Army (War games). Just, don't use any real guns!
Order Pizza or other food delivery. ( Either order food for yourself or order delivery for your neighbors. You sit in front of your window and watch the pizza delivery driver try to deliver the pizza to your neighbors and laugh at their reaction!)
Check out all the ugly girls and see if they actually start to look good.
Go to a fast food drive through. Order food, a rum and Coke and water. Tell them you have the munchies and cotton mouth. Tell them you want this order to go (not for dine in). Ask if you can buy some more Marijuana. Then drive away laughing!

Things you should NOT do while high:
Drive a car!
Ride a bike.
Ride a skateboard.
Go surfing.
Swim.
Shoot a gun.
Hang around with people you don't like.
Go to work or school.
Do homework assignments for school.
Type anything at all on: Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram or similar sites.
Go shopping for groceries, clothes, cars, gold jewelry or anything, especially nothing expensive! This includes: Not going to the store and don't get on EBay or other, similar sites.
Just plain stay off the Internet period when you're high or drunk.
Play Football, Baseball or other sports. (Playing any sports or cheerleading would be very dangerous and you might end up in the hospital or dead!)
Ride a Horse or motorcycle.
Vote. (If you are a Republican, you might get crazy and vote for Tea Party, Democrat or Libertarian.)
Practice Tae Kwon Do, Karate, Kung Fu or other martial arts. That would be really dangerous.
Go to the police station and talk to the cops.
Lift weights (Very dangerous).
Run.
Cooking.
Skydiving.
Snowboarding.
Build a house. (You'd hit your fingers with the hammer more than you'd hit the nails!)
Science experiments. (I wonder what would happen if I mix these Three chemicals together? Boom!)
Don't do anything illegal or dangerous.

Most importantly, if you have serious problems, call 911! MOST OF THE TIME, Doctors, Paramedics, Nurses and everyone else that works in the hospital and ambulance are not allowed to tell anyone about your medical condition, any drugs you've taken or anything else, they can't even tell the police in most situations. They can usually, only tell someone about your medical condition with your written permission or a court order. That is the law in the US. The law is called: HIPPA.

Dumb Laws:

Here are some weird laws from around the US and Canada. Some are really old and just have not been taken off the books yet. Others are trivial and unenforceable. But, some of them are often enforced. People do get arrested and fined for some stupid things!
1. In Ohio, it's illegal to get a fish drunk.
2. In Minnesota, it's illegal to have sex with a fish or a bird.
3. In Middleborough, Massachusetts, there's a $20 fine, each offense for swearing in public.
4. In Alaska, it's illegal to get drunk in a bar.
5. Everywhere in the US, it's illegal to sell a drunk person alcohol.
(I was in the Army in Ft. Hood, TX and I was trying to buy a case of beer in the PX. I was really drunk and trying to act sober.
The cashier said, "I can't sell you this because you're drunk."
I said, "No I'm not! Bitch, you better let me get this beer! Come on, don't be stupid!"
She said, "You're drunk! I can smell it on your breath!"
I said, "So what! You better let me get this beer or else we're going to have some problems!"
A friend of mine who was with me and sober came in, told me to calm down and go wait in the car.
She said, "I'll sell it to him, but not you."
I said, What difference does it make? I'm still going to be drinking it you stupid, ugly, **** ***** ****** ******* ***** **** ***!")
6. All over the US and Canada, it's illegal to spit on the sidewalk.
7. In Arkansas, it is illegal to pronounce the name of the state incorrectly.
(Why don't they pass a similar law in Michigan, making it illegal to mispronounce or misspell the word: "MACKINAC". For those who don't live in Michigan, it is pronounced: "Mack-en-aw".
8. In New Orleans, it is illegal to wear a mask at any time of the year, except during Mardi Gras.
(Technically, you aren't even supposed to wear a mask on Halloween.)
9. In Georgia, it's illegal to eat Chicken with a fork! By law, you have to eat it with your fingers!
(People have been arrested for violating this law!)
10. In French Lick, Indiana, Black cats are required to wear a bell around their neck all day on Friday the 13th.
(What a dumb name for a city!)
11. In Maine, it's illegal to post advertisements on another person's tombstone.
12. In Massachusetts, you can't dance to the National Anthem.
13. In Massachusetts, they can't have a "Happy Hour"at bars.
(They should have a "Drown Your Sorrows hour" or a "Sad and Depressed Hour" instead.)
14. In S Carolina, up until 2014, it was illegal to sell alcohol on Election Day. They thought politicians might bribe citizens with free drinks.
(So that's how Obama got elected!)
15. In Arkansas, Underage drinking will get you a fine and in some cases, minors have to write an essay about alcohol.
16. In UT, AZ, CO and OK, it's illegal to collect rain water on your own property or anywhere else.
17. In Oklahoma, it's illegal to Wrestle a Bear.
18. In S. Carolina it's illegal to work or dance on Sunday.
19. California has banned plastic drinking straws.
20. In Ocala, Florida, it's illegal to "sag" your pants.
(There is a $500 fine or 6 months in jail for this!
I wish that were illegal everywhere! Nobody wants to look at your underwear!)
21. In Memphis, Tennessee, homeless people need to get a permit to panhandle.
22. In Galveston, Texas, it's illegal to throw trash out of a plane.
23. In Virginia, no pet Skunks.
24. In Washington State, you get a $1,000 fine for poaching Bigfoot.
(Because, if he really exists, he's an endangered species.)
25. In Michigan, you can't tie an Alligator to a fire hydrant.
Also in Michigan:
You can't paint Sparrows to sell them as Parakeets.
You can't be drunk on a train.
It's illegal in MI to swear around women and children.
(I know some women who should be arrested for that!)

In Canada:

1. You can't swear in French.
(Ach scheisse! (Oh shit! German) I swear in German all the time!)
2. It's illegal to turn Right on a Red light.
3. You do have the right to remain silent and not answer any questions and the right to an Attorney. BUT, you do not have the right to have an Attorney present during questioning.
4.  It's illegal to eat an Oyster if you don't make sure it was treated humanely.
5. It's illegal to consume fake maple syrup.
6. It's illegal to show public affection on Sunday.
7. Businesses must have rails for tying up horses.

Things you learned in school (and other places) that are wrong.

Ben Franklin:

He never flew a kite in a thunder storm. His kite was not struck by lightning. He did not discover electricity.

Yes, he did fly a kite in clouds that were electrically charged, but they were not storm clouds.

He did not get struck by lightning. If he had been, he would have either died or been seriously injured.

Electricity had been discovered Thousands of years before Franklin was ever born.

He worked a lot with electricity. Someone asked him which direction electrons flowed out of a battery, he told them: “I think it flows from Positive to Negative”. For years everybody believed that. It wasn’t until the mid 1900’s when they invented the electron microscope that they were able to see electrons under the microscope and prove Franklin’s guess wrong. Electrons flow out of the NEGATIVE TERMINAL AND BACK TO THE POSITIVE TERMINAL!

 Einstein:

He did not do very well in school. Although he was a genius with an IQ of 160, he did not show it in school. Some of his teachers in school thought he would never amount to anything.

He had Aspergers, this caused him problems. He couldn’t walk until he was about 4. He had problems communicating. He couldn’t speak full sentences until he was 7.

He actually was good at Math. If he hadn’t been good at Math, he would never been successful as a Physicist.

Bill Clinton:

Yes, Congress did officially impeach him. The reason that he was still able to finish out his term as President is because Congress did not vote to “Remove him from office”.

Washington:

He never really chopped down a Cherry Tree, like you probably learned in school. Over 200 years ago, somebody wrote a fictional novel about Washington. In the book, he chops the bark off his dad’s Cherry Tree and the tree dies. Even in the book, he did not chop down the tree!

Edison:

He did not invent the Light Bulb by himself. He owned a company and some of his employees actually discovered how to make the light bulb work. But, since Edison owned the company, he took full credit for it! This still happens in companies all the time today. If you invent something, your boss will steal all the credit for your invention. He gets on TV and tells the world: “I invented this. I had a hard time making it work, but, I finally figured it out……………” Then he puts the paten in his name, any awards that your invention earns go to the boss. He gets all the money, etc. Your name is never going to be mentioned.

Tesla:

Edison and other people created so many myths about him that I could almost write a book about them all.

He had an idea that would have given the world FREE energy.

He used to work for Edison. But, they didn’t get along very well, so he quit and opened his own company.

He came up with the idea of using Alternating Current (AC) electricity instead of Direct Current (DC). He told everyone that it would be so much better than using batteries. Edison was much more powerful and had a lot more money. Edison went out of his way to prove Tesla wrong and convince the public that Tesla was wrong and he was an idiot. The people believed Edison for a long time. He was able to convince people that his idea of sticking with the old way of using batteries was the best way to go.

Tesla’s idea of AC electricity being better took years before it caught on. But, when people figured out it was better, they put up power lines and that is what comes out of the electric outlets in almost everybody’s homes and other buildings today.

Tesla was found mysteriously dead in a hotel room one day. He was murdered. Most of his research documents were stolen. Nobody knows for sure if Edison was involved in his murder or not. (I think he probably was involved.)

The federal government doesn’t want us to have free energy, because, they’d get less money. So They were very likely involved in his murder to!

 Voting:

When you cast your vote for President, YOU are not voting actually for President, you are voting for Electoral College (EC) votes. Each state has a certain number of Electoral College votes. It depends on the population of the state as to how many Electoral College points they have.

If your state has 30 EC points, If the state votes mostly Republican, most of the people the state sends out to vote for the EC will be expected to Republican supporters. They will be expected to vote Republican. However, when they go cast their own votes, you don’t know who they are going to vote for, they can still vote for whoever they want.

Lightning:

You’ve probably heard the term: “JIGAWATT” in the movie Back To The Future. There is no such thing as a Jiggowatt. It was a mispronunciation of the word: “GIGAWATT”. The word “Giga” means Billion. Just like with a computer, as in Gigabyte (One Billion Bytes). A Gigawatt is One Billion Watts of electricity.

Lightning strikes the Earth between 50 and 100 times every second. NASA can see it from space.

Lightning does not usually come down from the clouds to the Earth, it usually goes from the ground up! Lightning can go in all directions: Up, down, Horizontally, diagonally, etc.

Most lightning never hits the ground, it is cloud to cloud lightning.

The Lightning Belt is an area in FL that gets more lightning strikes than anywhere else in the US. It goes from Tampa, crosses over Orlando and ends in Daytona Beach.

More people get struck by lightning in FL almost every year than any other state.

READ THIS ONE CAREFULLY! Don’t get confused by the facts here! Each year,  there’s not normally a lot of people in the state of Michigan that get struck by lightning. However, (READ THIS PART SLOWLY! TAKE A MINUTE AND LET YOUR BRAIN PROCESS THIS!) However, there have been more people in the state of MI who have been reported as having been struck by lightning ON THE GOLF COURSE, WHILE PLAYING GOLF than in any other state. (OK, go back and read the last part of this again if you have to, before you say it doesn’t make sense or it contradicts or any other stupid comments. It makes perfect sense!)

(I’m sorry, I’ve had problems with that one before. I tried to explain it to some stupid idiots before and all they did was argue with me and say: “That don’t make sense. First you said, “There’s not a lot of people in MI that get hit by lightning, then you said there’s more people who get struck there.”

Then I have to explain: More people have been struck ON THE GOLF COURSE in MI than anywhere else. Other than that, there’s not a lot of people who get struck in MI.)

When people do get hit by lightning, it’s not usually a direct hit. The lightning either hits another object and bounces off, hitting the person, hits the water they’re standing in or hits something they are touching.

Roswell UFO:

I just had to include this one, because I love Outer Space, Astronomy and especially UFO’s more than anything! I guess I’m a geek.

Since UFO stands for: Unidentified Flying Object, anything you see flying through the air can be considered a UFO. If you don't know for sure what it is, in other words,  you can't identify the object that you see in the air, up to the moment that you can tell what it is, technically, it is a UFO. Most of the time, however, when we hear about a UFO, we think of flying saucers from outer space.

Years ago, something crashed in Roswell, NM. Nobody knows for sure what it was, except the US government! According to witnesses, there were three strange beings on the ground near the object that landed. The material the spacecraft was made out of did not look like any material on Earth. It was not the shape of anything that we have on Earth that can fly. There were other strange things about it to.

The US military sure got there pretty fast. They searched the whole area with a magnifying glass and picked up every single tiny piece of the UFO. So if someone else went out there later to find a piece of it, there was literally nothing left of it. Not even a speck of dust!

When the military finished cleaning up the remains of the UFO, they threatened all the witnesses saying, “If you tell anyone what happened here, we’ll kill you and your family! You are going to get on the news now and say it was just a weather balloon.”

People think they probably took the remains of the UFO and aliens to Area 51. I don’t think they took the UFO there. I think there was another top secret location that is even more top secret than Area 51 where they took it and no one knows where this location is. That would be a more likely place to take it.

The US military declassified some documents 15 or 20 years ago that tell about the US military attempting to make a flying saucers. The reason they never used the military version of the flying saucer is, because they couldn't get it to lift up off the ground more than a few feet and it would only fly a short distance before it fell to the ground. They eventually had to give up the project, because it was costing too much time and money. So it's not they didn't want to build a UFO, they just couldn't get it to work.